Battling for Victory

Remember this scene from The Miracle Worker? Annie Sullivan struggles mightily to gain the upper hand with Helen, knowing that she must have Helen's obedience before she can teach her anything. Of course Helen's rebellion is complicated by her deafness and blindness, but at its core it is a struggle against authority.

Toby and I just went through a similar struggle today. Although it lasted about 45 minutes, not eight, and perhaps did not rise to the same level of violence (although he nearly bit me!) I felt just as disheveled and exhausted as Annie Sullivan. In the midst of it, I thought of this scene and wished I had an Annie Sullivan to come work miracles in my son's life, so I didn't have to go through that struggle.

As usual when our children oblige us to engage in a power struggle, I really didn't have time for it. We have a houseful of kids today and I was fixing lunch for seven kids. Toby dropped a pile of napkins on the kitchen floor. I asked him to pick them up.

"No!"
"Yes, Toby, pick them up."
"No! I don't want to."

I didn't understand right away that he was ready for war and so I carried on with lunch prep. But I noticed the napkins again after a minute. Where was Toby? Gone. I went off to find him and set him straight:

"Toby, pick up these napkins. You cannot have your lunch until they are picked up."
"No!"

You can only believe the calmness that enveloped me if you understand the amazing grace and glory of our Lord Jesus, who has been preparing me for this moment for three days! Toby has been naughty several times recently and I've handled it badly. But this time...

"Toby, I'm sad you are going to miss lunch--"
"NO!"
"--but if you pick up the napkins you can join us."

I sat down with the other six kids to lunch. He screamed and cried. We soldiered on, eating and trying to visit.

Toby tried to grab his lunch plate.
I moved it away.
He screamed some more, crying and angry.
He found the plate and reached again. I physically removed him from the kitchen.

I reminded him of the situation. Pick up the napkins, then eat your lunch. Rather than obeying, he dug in deeper. I took him to his room and an Annie/Helen-style struggle ensued. I held him. He wiggled away, demanding his blanket. I carried him back to his bed and told him that he couldn't have his blanket or Bear or lunch until he picked up those napkins. He kicked and screamed. On and on and on.

"Who's in charge, Toby?"
"NO ONE!"

Finally, in the midst of sobs, sweat, and prayers, he began to calm down a bit. I prayed aloud for him to repent. I prayed God would make Himself known to Toby even when he isn't seeking God (Romans 10:20). I prayed for Toby's submission and my strength. All aloud and near Toby's ear. He raged again, then calmed once more.

At last he quit raging and wanted to snuggle. But I told him he couldn't until he picked up the napkins.
"Who's in charge, Toby?"
"You are."
"And who's in charge of me?"
"Daddy"
"And Daddy?"
"Jesus."

He slowly walked back to the kitchen and tearfully picked up all the napkins. The six other kids were long gone, the lunch dishes loaded in the dishwasher (Thanks Hope!), but Toby's lunch was saved for him. He sat down at the table and I joined him as he ate.

The words of Sovereign Grace Music's new album "To Be Like Jesus" filled the air. It was "Jesus, You're My Hope."

Jesus, You were tempted

In every way like I am

But You never gave in--no!

You looked to Your Father

And the Spirit's power

For Your strength and self-control

Right at the beginning

When I feel like sinning

Help me look to You alone

Help me to obey, Lord

Follow in Your way, Lord

Jesus, give me self-control

(Mark Altrogge © 2009 Sovereign Grace Praise)

Exactly my prayer. And the reason why this time I didn't respond to my son's sin with more sin. Perhaps there is a better way to handle a three year old's raging rebellion, but the key victory here is that I didn't get angry. I did a few days ago, yelling and giving a meaningless lecture.

Jesus is the miracle worker. The miracle that happened at my house this afternoon is this: I didn't get angry like I did on Saturday. Thank you, Jesus. May I look to You alone when I am tempted and may you prepare me for the next time...

Summer Fun

Last Sunday after church we headed out to the nearby lake for a day on the water. We love to gather out at the lake in the summer with my parents, my sister, and my sister's family. On this trip we (well, my mother and I) had a goal: make the kids comfortable with swimming off the side of the boat in deep water.

This is our third summer with mom and dad's boat, but we essentially have not done any water skiing or tubing. Mostly we have taken boat rides, beached on a shore, picnicked and swam off the shore. Since the kids are getting bigger, we're starting to think about getting them ready to tube and ski.

This picture of Sydney (above, on the right) is priceless for me. It is a moment of triumph! Sydney has never dared to float around in deep water with her life jacket before. The fear has been paralyzing. It wasn't easy, but she finally discovered that she doesn't sink!

The leaky tube couldn't be towed, but the kids had a blast bouncing around on it. We have it tethered to the back of the boat in this picture (but we are not going anywhere). While Sydney remains cautious, Hope throws it to the wind. Here you see her with her cousin trying to stand on the innertube.

We cannot afford to go to the movie theater as a family (and it's just as well), but we were able to go for free on Saturday. There was only one movie that was acceptable to watch: Up in 3D. The last movie our kids saw in the theater was at the discount theaters, so they were amazed at the luxurious 13th Avenue Warren Theater. Up was a charming movie, although the suspense was unbearable for one of our four. "When is he going to go back to the city?! I want him back in the city!"

We've been to the zoo a few times this summer. Our zoo has a new tiger exhibit. In the picture above Lane is face to face with one of the tigers.

The peacock is always wandering around the zoo with his hen, but this time he was showing off.

The Edwards four with a chimpanzee statue.

Independence Day Weekend

Ice cream sundaes at Grandma and Grandpa's house...


...followed by sparklers and fountains and firecrackers at the Edwards's house (or in the street, actually).




The 4th of July was on Saturday this year. On Sunday afternoon we went to the circus. The girls saw the circus as toddlers, so it was a new experience for the whole crew (boys aren't pictured). Hope and Sydney sit on the bleacher with their cousin Haley and two neighbor friends.

Hidden Meanings

Lately I seem to see fingerprints of Christ in everything (see my "Slumdog Millionaire" post by way of example). I have the sensation that everything around me in human experience is crying out the truths of God and yet few notice. Given that, I found C. S. Lewis's comments about finding second meanings in literature causing me to laugh at myself. As an amateur in literary analysis, it gives me pause:

Because, as we know, almost anything can be read into any book if you are determined enough. This will be especially impressed on anyone who has written fantastic fiction. He will find reviewers, both favourable and hostile, reading into his stories all manner of allegorical meanings which he never intended. (Some of the allegories thus imposed on my own books have been so ingenious and interesting that I often wish I had thought of them myself.) Apparently it is impossible for the wit of man to devise a narrative in which the wit of some other man cannot, and with some plausibility, find a hidden sense.

In defense of my own tendency to see deep truths of Christ and signs of God's sovereignty oozing out of almost every news story, book or movie, and personal experience, I pray that it might be a sign that I am beginning to "bleed Bible" when pricked. (Remember this?)

The Lewis quote comes from his Reflections on the Psalms, "Second Meanings."

Slumdog Millionaire

We finally watched "Slumdog Millionaire" last night. I'm not sure why we are only now getting around to watching this Oscar-winning movie that made such a ripple through our culture about six months ago, except that we rarely go to the theater anymore and our DVD home viewing is split between family viewing and "grown-up movies."

It is not for nothing that this movie won so many awards.

The movie touches deeply on the human experience. We saw in Jamal's slum the despair of poverty and in his brother Salim's later riches the emptiness of wealth.

We saw in Jamal the glorious and relentless pursuit of a lover for his love.

We saw, as Jamal struggled to live a life of integrity, that "they show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them," (Romans 2:15).

We saw that even as Salim lived out the "works of the flesh...: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry...enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these" (Galatians 5:19-21) he yearned for forgiveness and sought it on his prayer rug, apparently without satisfaction.

We saw also in Salim's attempt to make right what he had made wrong that humans across all cultures understand the need for redemption.

As we watched the mistreatment of Jamal, Salim, and Latika by religious zealots in holy war, by unjust extreme poverty, and by the thugs that used them, we saw that indeed "judicial sentiment" points to the existence of God. I ran across the idea of "judicial sentiment in our hearts that holds others guilty" for wrongdoing as a proof of God's existence in Desiring God (Piper, p. 60, see the footnote). Piper attributes the idea to Edward John Carnell and quotes from his book Christian Commitment (1957):

Wheras conscience accuses the self the judicial sentiment accuses others. The direction of accusation is the important thing. Conscience monitors ones own moral conduct, while the judicial sentiment monitors the moral conduct of others...An aroused judicial sentiment is merely heaven's warning that the image of God is being outraged. Cultural conditioning may alter the direction of the judicial sentiment, but it does not alter the faculty itself...The voice of judicial sentiment is the voice of God.

Finally, my favorite observation about the movie is the one that prompted me to watch it in the first place. It comes from the blog Paradoxuganda, in a post called "All Things New":

Watched Slum Dog Millionaire (again) this weekend, and this time noticed an unusual scene. At the very end, when Jamal kisses Latika's scar, suddenly there is a rewind-like camera shot of the scene in which she receives the knife cut to her face. We go backwards from the struggle to a moment of expectation and happiness, when the two lovers look at each other unwounded, with joy.

A striking visual of Revelation 21. Tears wiped, death becomes life, the act of love reverses the ravages of hate.

I'm probably the only one around that hadn't seen "Slumdog Millionaire," but in case you haven't yet, "put it on your queue."

Thanks to Chris for linking to Paradoxuganda sometime back. I've been a reader ever since. You really should check out this blog, written by medical missionaries in Uganda a "pair o' docs."

How Tweet It Is, II

From @JohnPiper today:

"Prick Bunyan anywhere and he will bleed Bible." Let it not be said of the king's heralds: Prick him and he bleeds movies.
about 2 hours ago from HootSuite

PRAY THIS: May the Name of Jesus be established and magnified forever through my life. (1 Chron. 17:24).
about 2 hours ago from Tweetie

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13), like go hungry, get cancer, be killed and go home.
about 3 hours ago from Tweetie

If you need a reason to Twitter, this should do it.

Thinking about Prayer and Money

This "How to Overspiritualize Everything" comic is hilarious. (Hat tip Chris via Twitter; it comes from this blog.)

You probably think I do that all the time!

This morning my Scripture reading took me to Psalm 7, 2 Kings 5-6, and Matthew 7. What a combination!

Reading about Naaman and Elisha and Gehazi in 2 Kings 5 was especially meaningful because I recently listened to "Remember the Rich Man," a message given by John Piper to his church's 2009 graduates. Can you hold Christ as your treasure while you are gripping money? Is it hard or is it impossible to be rich and enter the Kingdom of God? Are you living like one at war or like one on a luxury cruise? Are you afraid of being rich? I hope you can take time to listen.

At the Children Desiring God conference, I missed a breakout session on prayer that several of my friends attended. Yesterday I listened to the audio recording of "Prayer-Utter Dependance upon God" by Bud Burk. Click here to listen, scroll down and select this session. Listening on my iPod made my housework much more bearable! This session speaks to the heart about prayer and then gives some nitty-gritty practical help.

Speaking of prayer, this quote from George Muller's autobiography helps us to understand how daily Scripture reading intertwines with prayer and meditation. His words describe my own experience as my morning devotions have become as routine as breakfast (or more so):

Before this time my practice had been, at least for ten years previously, as an habitual thing, to give myself to prayer, after having dressed in the morning. Now I saw, that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the Word of God and to meditation on it, that thus my heart might be comforted, encouraged, warned, reproved, instructed; and that thus, whilst meditating, my heart might be brought into experimental, communion with the Lord. I began therefore, to meditate on the New Testament, from the beginning, early in the morning.

The first thing I did, after having asked in a few words the Lord's blessing upon His precious Word, was to begin to meditate on the Word of God; searching, as it were, into every verse, to get blessing out of it; not for the sake of the public ministry of the Word; not for the sake of preaching on what I had meditated upon; but for the sake of obtaining food for my own soul. The result I have found to be almost invariably this, that after a very few minutes my soul has been led to confession, or to thanksgiving, or to intercession, or to supplication; so that though I did not, as it were, give myself to prayer, but to meditation, yet it turned almost immediately more or less into prayer...

The difference between my former practice and my present one is this. Formerly, when I rose, I began to pray as soon as possible, and generally spent all my time till breakfast in prayer, or almost all the time. At all events I almost invariably began with prayer....But what was the result? I often spent a quarter of an hour, or half an hour, or even an hour on my knees, before being conscious to myself of having derived comfort, encouragement, humbling of soul, etc.; and often after having suffered much from wandering of mind for the first ten minutes, or a quarter of an hour, or even half an hour, I only then began really to pray.

I scarcely ever suffer now in this way. For my heart being nourished by the truth, being brought into experimental fellowship with God, I speak to my Father, and to my Friend (vile though I am, and unworthy of it!) about the things that He has brought before me in His precious Word...And yet now, since God has taught me this point, it is as plain to me as anything, that the first thing the child of God has to do in the morning by morning is to obtain food for his inner man.

As quoted in John Piper's Desiring God, p. 155-156.

Fun at the Lake

We spent Independence Day Eve (July 3rd, that is) at a nearby lake with family and friends. Temperatures soared to 99 degrees, but we still had a marvelous time. My parents, my aunt and uncle, my sister and her kids (my brother-in-law is currently deployed to Afghanistan), and the six of us all played together at the lake, on the boat, on the shore, and at the picnic area for hours and hours. All the family headed back into town for my nephew's t-ball tournament game, but the six of us stayed and were then joined by our friends (and conveniently, neighbors) the B. family. Unfortunately I forgot to pull my camera out for lunch pictures, which is a real bummer because we had a wonderful lunch with family. As Mr. Edwards kindly said to me, "It gets a little hectic when we're eating." (Understatement of the year, right moms?) Most of the pictures you see here are from the evening meal with the B. family and the evening swim the kids took at the swimming beach. The clouds drifted in and the water looks gloomy, but it was still plenty warm.

The kids' cousin, Haley

Hope and Sydney (pink and blue suits) play in the sand with their cousins. They were imagining that they were kings and queens (and servants!) sitting on royal thrones!

Sydney and Hope cozy up on the beach in the evening with their friend Evangelyn.

Toby finishes up a roasted marshmallow and examines his sticky fingers (above).

We all made some life-long memories yesterday. I'm sure my dad wishes he could forget hitting the boat prop on a submersed log, however! Fortunately, the damage seems minimal! The cousins played for hours around the creek that ran by the picnic site, not to mention the time swimming and playing in the sand. After cousins and family left, our kids splashed around in the water by the anchored boat (beached on shore) as Mr. Edwards and I relaxed in the shade of the boat cover. Mr. B. and Mr. Edwards struggled to keep a fire going without much charcoal to cook the dinner, but they managed to get it done! Another evening memory: the B.'s son Matthew bravely asked to join in on a soccer game that was going on down the beach from us. We kept our cameras tucked away so as not to embarrass him, but we were proud of his courage. He ended up playing a few minutes with a group of twentysomething internationals who meet every year at the lake to hang out and play soccer. How fitting, since Matthew is a Liberian-American (and just ten years old)!

Sorry about this diary-dump blog post. Thanks for indulging me as I record our memories for posterity!

Lane, Sydney, Evangelyn, and Hope ride in the bow of Grandpa's boat.

Lane buries Jotham.

Matthew and Toby

Mr. B. and Mr. Edwards and Toby keep close watch on the struggling fire. Next time we'll make sure to bring enough charcoal! (Sharon, this picture of the fire ring is just for you.)

Lines of Literature: Desiring God and The Weight of Glory

"Once we had no delight in God, and Christ was just a vague historical figure. What we enjoyed was food and friendships and productivity and investments and vacations and hobbies and games and reading and shopping and sex and sports and art and TV and travel...but not God. He was an idea--even a good one--and a topic for discussion; but He was not a treasure of delight.

Then something miraculous happened. It was like the opening of the eyes of the blind during the golden dawn. First the stunned silence before the unspeakable beauty of holiness. Then the shock and terror that we had actually loved the darkness. Then the settling stillness of joy that this is the soul's end. The quest is over. We would give anything if we might be granted to live in the presence of this glory forever and ever." John Piper, Desiring God, "Conversion" p. 73 (2003 ed.)

You can read Desiring God online for free here.

"In the end that Face which is the delight or the terror of the universe must be turned upon each of us either with one expression or with the other, either conferring glory inexpressible or inflicting shame that can never be cured or disguised. I read in a periodical the other day that the fundamental thing is how we think of God. By God Himself, it is not! How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important. Indeed, how we think of Him is of no importance except in so far as it is related to how He thinks of us. It is written that we shall "stand before" Him, shall appear, shall be inspected. the promise of glory is the promise, almost incredible and only possible by the work of Christ, that some of us, that any of us who really chooses, shall actually survive that examination, shall find approval, shall please God. To please God...to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness...to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son--it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But it is so." C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory.

You can read The Weight of Glory online for free here.

Birthday Blessings

The last few days have been a wonderful celebration of my birthday. My mother made a delicious birthday lunch for Sunday: grilled salmon with capers sauce and some of my favorite side dishes along with a family favorite, orange-pineapple cake. (Sorrry, we didn't have the camera.)

Mr. Edwards also made a birthday cake and last night we enjoyed it with our family of six. (Mr. Edwards took all the pictures and isn't in any of them! Oops.)



The cake had to be stored on top of our kitchen cabinets all day long because Toby wanted to eat it so badly. I know he was more thrilled to light the candles than I was. At least we lacked the right number of candles! The kids asked me, "Why are there only six candles, Mom?"



The boys gave me a bouquet of carnations and the girls gave me a sweet charm for my necklace. It is engraved with "Mom."



After all the kids were tucked in, our friends and neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. B. came over for cake. (Yes, I had another slice!) Mrs. B. gave me the book Desiring God, which, if you can believe it, I hadn't read yet! Last night I couldn't resist starting in on reading it. It turns out that The Weight of Glory was one of the things that influenced John Piper to encapsulate his understanding of the Christian life in this way: "God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him."

The Bible reading plan I use has me reading Colossians every year around my birthday (along with the end of Proverbs and portions of 2 Chronicles about Asa, Jehoshaphat, and the prophet Micaiah). Nearly every line in Colossians is underlined in my Bible. Listen to this:

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:...In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth...Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience...Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..." (Col. 3:2-4, 5a, 8, 12a, 16a)

But don't settle for this cut-and-paste version of Colossians 3! Read the whole thing. (It also goes along very well with the account of Micaiah, who had his mind set on things above and lived as one already dead to the world.)

Cap and Trade Sing-a-Long

Hat Tip: NRO's The Corner. Sorry to go political after The Weight of Glory! Warning; If you play this video you risk your kids running around singing "Cap and Trade!" which may not make your day very joyful!

The Weight of Glory

From C. S. Lewis's The Weight of Glory:

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. Bur our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner--no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment.

After seeing a tweet from @JohnPiper this morning directing me to the first paragraph of Lewis's sermon The Weight of Glory, I pulled my C. S. Lewis collection off the shelf and read the whole thing. Hopefully you have one around and you can do the same. If not, you may read it online here.

Humility and the LORD's Righteousness

Meditating on my morning devotions:

Humility is knowing that the LORD is righteous and right in what He does. It is saying, "Lord, you are right to do this to me," rather than, "Lord, why are you doing this to me?" or "Lord, this isn't fair."

God sent the Egyptian king Shishak as a conqueror over King Rehoboam, in response to Judah's disobedience.

"Thus says the LORD, 'You abandoned me, so I have abandoned you to the hand of Shishak.' " Then the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves and said, "The LORD is righteous."

(2 Chron. 12:6) ESV

Finally humbled, the people saw that God was right to send Shishak. They deserved nothing better and agreed with God.

Before I can beg for God's mercy, I must humbly declare He is righteous in what He does. I don't deserve a Redeemer. There is nothing good in me. But Christ is my Redeemer and I boast only in the cross.

What happened to Rehoboam? Read 2 Chronicles 12:7ff.

It All Comes Back to Jesus!

All four kids had a super time last week at Vacation Bible School. So often VBS week can be overwhelmed by a cool theme, fun music and crafts, with little attention given to the Gospel, other than a quick invitation on last day. However, their week on the "Boomerang Express" was, as nearly as I can tell, very centered on the Gospel.

The picture below shows Toby and his class around the "campfire" (look for the orange tissue paper) hearing about Jesus.

All the kids made didgeridoos, and below you see Toby blowing his enthusiastically.

Daily Applications:

• Because Jesus loves and chooses me, I can follow Him.
• Because Jesus is the Son of God, I can worship Him.
• Because Jesus died for me, I can confess Him as my Savior.
• Because Jesus forgives me, I can still serve Him.
• Because Jesus helps me, I can follow God's plan for me.

I often find VBS curricula sorely lacking in depth, but Lifeway's Boomerang Express seems theologically rich and centered on the Gospel. Thanks so much to all the leaders who put hours of work into obeying God through serving in VBS.

Sovereign over the Search

I was startled to notice in my SiteMeter stats that someone found my blog, in the wee hours of the morning, after entering the following words into her search engine:

disabled and have lost everything husband out of work lost home, treasured dog of 11 years , friends, and family. why do i go on.

I can't understand what about this collection of words called up my blog, except perhaps the sovereignty of God over all things, even Internet searches. But did this woman find the only comfort that really matters, the only words of hope that ring true when you've hit bottom, the powerful words of God?

It worries me that she didn't. I'm imagining that she clicked this blog and then hit "back." That she "bounced" right off because she didn't find what she was looking for.

If only I could scream out to her, "Wait! Come back! I added some Scriptures to my sidebar! There is hope! There is a reason! This disappointing, miserable, everyone-lets-me-down existence isn't all there is! There is Christ! He loves you, He died for You! If see your sin and repent and believe in Him He will SATISFY! You will find joy that is nonsensical. That overcomes your suffering. Please come back and read about Jesus!"

Freedom from Unrelenting Triviality

John Piper writes about life without television and movies:

All Christ-exalting transformation comes from “beholding the glory of Christ.” “Beholding the glory of the Lord, [we] are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18). Whatever dulls the eyes of our mind from seeing Christ powerfully and purely is destroying us. There is not one man in a thousand whose spiritual eyes are more readily moved by the beauty of Christ because he has just seen a bare breast with his buddies.

But leave sex aside (as if that were possible for fifteen minutes on TV). It’s the unremitting triviality that makes television so deadly. What we desperately need is help to enlarge our capacities to be moved by the immeasurable glories of Christ. Television takes us almost constantly in the opposite direction, lowering, shrinking, and deadening our capacities for worshiping Christ.

Read the whole article here.