In these pictures, you can see his first simple clustering diagram, his paragraph, and his illustration.This is a week long process, with the clustering diagram completed one day, and about half the paragraph on the next day, and the rest of the paragraph on the third day. The illustration is done last. For Lane, this is a good pace and any faster would frustrate him. I do not require a second draft at this point, but next quarter he may be at that stage. He will write one paragraph a week this quarter for his Space Race book.
Meanwhile, Sydney and Hope had another expository report assignment this week. Their topic: The Korean War. We started the process at our Truth Treasure Hunters meeting, when I gave a short lecture on the Korean War. As I talked, the kids filled out a "Who? What? When? Where? Why?" chart. This gave them a good start on the facts that they needed for their expository report and prepared them to complete their clustering diagram (Sydney's is pictured here). After that, they wrote their first draft. You can see Sydney's first draft, after I made corrections, edits, and comments. (Click for a closer look.)
When I edit the girls' first draft, I look for:
- capitalization, punctuation, and spelling mistakes
- sentences that need improving because they are awkward or need adjectives and adverbs
- words that should be replaced with a better choice. It is tempting to give them the better word, but I try to steer them through leading questions or a thesaurus.
- missing information that is important to the thesis
- sentences that don't support the topic and need to be removed or changed
The Korean War
By Sydney Edwards
January 15, 2009
The Korean War started because Kim Il-Sung wanted North and South Korea to be united and communist. The Soviets were given control of North Korea at the end of World War II in 1945 and they put Kim Il-Sung in power. North Korea had a strong army and they had weapons and equipment from the U.S.S.R.
South Korea was controlled by the U.S. after World War II. They put Syngman Rhee in power. Americans trained the army. South Korea had a very weak army because the Americans did not train them enough or adequately supply their army. In America, the people were becoming afraid of communist spies from the U.S.S.R. and they were afraid of communism spreading around the world. Because of this, the U.S. helped South Korea fight the North Koreans.
North Korea invaded the South on June 26, 1950. By September, the Allies (United Nations troops) were pushed into the Pusan Perimeter, a small corner of southeast Korea. At this point, General Douglas MacArthur ordered U.N. troops to invade at Inchon and the Allies pushed to Pyongyang by November 26, 1950. The spies told MacArthur that the Chinese army was helping North Korea, but MacArthur did not listen and he charged the army to the mountains. And there was the Chinese army! The Chinese came to North Korea’s aid and they fought their way to Seoul. The Allies fought back to the 38th parallel and they fought for three years. Kim Il-Sung did not unite North and South Korea but he kept North Korea communist.